You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
a search helicopter?!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
