i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
