Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
