So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
