I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
