I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
