While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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