if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
