You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
