Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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