Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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