my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
