she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
