I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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