whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
