She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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