apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
