if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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