When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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