I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
