Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
