There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
