we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
COCAINE IS GR8
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
