she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
