After last night, I could never be a politician.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
