I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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