see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
