But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There r osticjed everywhere
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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