he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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