ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
