Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Then you guys just all showered together...?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
