Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
