wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Houston, we have a blender
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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