I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
