a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
