So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sext me about skeletons
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
