I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
