Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
