I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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