I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
