everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
