All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
