wat bout pragnant strippers??
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
