Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
mondays should just be called national damage control day
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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