dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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