she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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