There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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