is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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