Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
