Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
