I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
