lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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