I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
