Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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